One of the most dangerous things, I’ve realised, at least for me, is to lose faith.
I think at various points in my life, I have felt it. Lost, confused, restless, directionless, even if things are continuing as normal, even if things seem to be fine, there’s an inner numbness that cannot be overcome.
These days, I feel anxious. I’m exhausted; I’m mentally drained, I’m physically tired.
I don’t want to sound negative, but I think I am going through a phase in my life where there are so many uncertainties that are manifesting itself into negative energy and anxiety in my body. I can’t help but be negative, even if I don’t necessarily *feel* negative. Mentally, I am thankful and glad for my situation. I feel blessed. Let me talk about those blessings, to see if it might help:
I had a wonderful Christmas on the whole (although I did need to adjust my mindset for a different way of celebration over here) and an amazing New Year’s celebration (I went for dim sum lunch followed by KTV with Bellman Fellowship, then another brother’s house for a New Year’s party in the evening).
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Following on from Part 1, this is a story I want to tell in full as it really warms my heart! I was about to head home anyway when I received the text from my housemate but most certainly had not been expecting company. Confused, I asked her who she was talking about?
She told me 3 guys had shown up that she didn’t know, but they left since I wasn’t in. She had met one of them before. I deduced two of them to be Ryan and Jon, and gave Ryan a call. It turns out they had stopped by to wish me a happy birthday and drop something off but were already on their way back home since I wasn’t there. We had just missed each other.
I wasn’t even disappointed since the mere thought of that gesture had been so sweet! I thanked them, said I thought it was a shame that I wasn’t able to thank them in person but could understand that they were tired. I live around the corner from Roberto & Bean so I arrived home a few minutes later.
I walked in to see a bunch of cupcakes on the table, wondering if that’s what they dropped off, but didn’t touch them in case they were my housemate’s instead. I did look around to see if they’d left anything else, but nope, didn’t look like it. I still had groceries to unload from our grocery shop during the day and had just about finished putting everything back before plopping down on my bed to rest… only to receive a text from the third and final guy I hadn’t deduced, DC:
“Hey Crystina, happy birthday. We stopped by but you weren’t home. Hope you had a great day!” Followed by this vid. I was sooo touched I almost cried! I thanked them and told them they were the best, and that it was the sweetest thing ever.
He replied, “No we’re not… if we were, we would’ve stayed”. I’d hardly finished responding when my doorbell rang and who should be singing happy birthday again at my doorstep with guitar, cajon and vocals?
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One month ago, on 4/4, I turned 21 for the n-th time. It was truly special; full of joy, laughter and a couple of firsts, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so loved on a birthday before.
What ensued was more or less a week of celebration, with a 3-birthday combined party the night before my birthday and a ridiculously sweet surprise to end my actual birthday. Sorry, all photos taken on iPhone, I got lazy about taking an actual camera around with me, plus so much of it was unexpected.
To start, my dad flew out to LA to visit. He arrived on Thursday 3/31 and stayed for a week, literally just to celebrate my birthday with me and see how my life is in LA. I’d told my family about how much I loved Santa Monica and my CBCWLA family, and naturally my family were relieved albeit curious. He had free time, so came to visit. View Full Post
Can you believe it? So much time has already passed and we’re already into May. It’s crazy that the last blog post I wrote, even before my site went down, was last year. At that time, I’d just left my London home and moved to LA. Now, I’m writing this from my new room in New York City.
A couple of months ago, my company asked me to relocate to NYC. It’s not a place I’ve ever wanted to be and honestly, I fell in love with my home and church in Santa Monica so I didn’t want to move. However, I know it’s where God is calling me through one miracle after another, and that’s enough for me to follow.
As of Monday I now live in NYC. In my mind, I’ll be here for 6 months and then I’ll return to LA, but my plans often aren’t God’s plans for me, so we will see :) Who knows, I might love it here and never want to return (so far, that’s not the case. It’s pouring outside and the city is as smelly and dirty as I imagined it to be) so there’s always an option to stay.
It really was an awesome 9 months in LA though! I realised I stopped blogging after my break up with Jason – 8 months ago now – because life happened. God led me to the church into which I would eventually settle, surrounded me with brothers and sisters and seekers to love and serve, and meet some of the best friends I’ve ever had. It was a wonderful life… it became a comfortable life… I stopped relying on Him, I became complacent. Thankfully He wasn’t finished with me.
That’s why I’m here today. I hope to find what God wants from me in this city. It’s been an amazing journey thus far. Join me for the next leg?
In the mean time, let me share a few more highlights from my time in LA – or more specifically, my church, CBCWLA. View Full Post