Once again it’s been a while. Over 3 months, actually. Getting good with updating and actually putting thoughts to computer genuinely takes a lot more motivation than I’d like to admit and is something I’d still like to grow in, if I’m to be more serious about my blog, haha. That’s a 15-year-long goal and counting now though.
I am not into dramas anymore (or at least, not in the way I was 3 months ago). God was (is) gracious. I can’t pinpoint the exact time I started feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders again, but I think it’s probably after Christmas, when we went for our Church retreat.
It really was a restful retreat for me. A time of healing, a time of growth, a time where I could put everything else out of my mind and focus on Jesus. Christmas seems to have that healing effect on me, and I thank God for the Body of Christ who is always there to help guide and convict.
It was during the retreat that I realised I was able to smile again like I used to, that I no longer felt the heaviness on my heart and that I felt I was free again. If I think about it, it’s also during that time that I was able to reconnect to God.
Just personally, here’s what I believe may have happened: br>
- I was freed from the attacks
- I grew
- I realised I’m just not that important – and that’s important
- But I am still loved
It was upon further reflection a couple of weeks later that I realised it was probably a time of growth for me. I do believe God was disciplining me and in His sovereignty, He used those attacks and that time to bring to light further sin in my heart that I had either been hiding or did not know I had, to work in me, to equip and prepare me for whatever else He has planned. Either way, just being worked in is an honour. It hurts like hell while going through it, but especially per Hebrews 12:6, 11 (ESV):
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
I am a blessed child of God indeed. <3